Duchess Iphie – the UK’s leading black sex, intimacy and relationship strategist draws from her experience over working with couples and singletons alike to shed light on nocturnal bedroom activities.
There is a misconception that men are only interested in sex and their orgasm in the bedroom. Sometimes, they perpetuate that myth. However, research shows that men also want to feel loved, cherished and as well as being ravished in bed, just a much as women.
- Men would like to know that you still find them attractive and desirable. It is just as important for men as women to feel validated sexually, both in regards to the way they look and perform.
- Provide a helping hand to your man in any way that makes him feel supported emotionally, financially and of course physically – this will naturally extend to a closeness in the bedroom feeling like as couple you can expand your sexual horizons and try new things – whether that be positions, locations to get hot under the collar around the house or different sexual acts.
- Make a grand gesture. Men tend to be forgotten when it comes to being made to feel special. You can make the room romantic for him by lighting candles, spread rose petals on the bed, spray the room with his favourite scent which could be his or hers. You could also run him a bath to get him in the mood for the evening. Don’t feel pressurised to spend a lot of money, just make him feel special as he would make you feel.
- Take control of sex. Men are the ones who usually initiate sex or foreplay. However, men get turned on by their partners making the first move because it makes them desired and wanted. This also plays into their sexual desire to be dominated and ravished by their partner.
- Make some noise, give feedback to your man when he is making love to you. This can be a moan, breathing heavily, screaming, grabbing him tightly or scratching his back. This tells him that he is doing a good job and you are both sexually in sync.
- Oral sex is part of foreplay that most men enjoy but not all ladies enjoying giving. It is rare to find a man who doesn’t enjoy being the centre of attraction and sucked to ecstasy. So, ladies, let us spend some time worshipping and making him feel special in the way that is individual to each man.
- Relinquish control – having a balance in your sex life between taking control and being submissive letting your man lead the way, shows an integral trust and equilibrium in your relationship.
- Learn to listen. A man wants to feel confident that if he opens up to you and is vulnerable, you would understand him more and he can be authentic. He wants to know that even if you had an argument, you would take time to see it from his perspective as well. This confidence and ability to be vulnerable, then lends itself to being confident and open to sexual discussion about desires, wants and fantasies.
- Unleash your adventurous side – keep an open mind to try new things within your sexual experiment and a willingness to refrain from getting stuck in a routine, rotating around the same three positions.
- Join him in his hobby. We are led to believe that we should give men their space and that they don’t want to feel crowded; hence the invention of the ‘man cave’. However, this isn’t strictly true. Yes, we all need our private times, but as ladies, we should understand your partners’ hobbies and spend time sharing this moment with him. It’s not about being with him all the time but sharing a moment where he is at his most relaxed and probably happiest. This deepens the connection and increases intimacy which leads to more vibrant sex life.
Men may not always say what they want emotionally because there is a perception that they have to be a ‘man’ whatever that means. If as a partner you don’t provide a safe space in which you can both open up, how will you genuinely know what your man wants?