How Couples Can Spice Up Their Sex Lives, Whether Together Or Apart

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This Article is presented by: Mia Sabat
Insights from Mia Sabat, Sex Therapist at Emjoy, the sexual wellbeing audio app for women

Insights from Mia Sabat, Sex Therapist at Emjoy, the sexual wellbeing audio app for women 

Engage with self-pleasure

It’s important to remember that every sexual experience begins within ourselves, and masturbation embodies this journey. Beyond stimulating our sex drive, self-pleasure allows us to connect with our minds and bodies within a context we often aren’t able to explore. It can help us really focus on what we enjoy, without worrying about anyone else, and this can be excellent for both our own wellbeing and our sex life as a whole.

Masturbation gives people the opportunity to understand their bodies, their preferences, their reactions, and their sexuality, so they can try out new habits and ways to touch themselves when alone. This is crucial because when individuals get to know their bodies better, they are better able to communicate their needs and preferences, which allows them to engage in a more fulfilling sexual experience: both with their partners, and with themselves. When individuals feel comfortable exploring their sexuality alone, they become more confident engaging in new experiences with their partner – it’s truly a win-win situation.


Explore your fantasies

We all have fantasies, and exploring them can be exciting and enjoyable. Before you get going, make sure you speak with your partner about their fantasies, preferences, and what they’d like to explore to make sure you’re both comfortable and on the same page. Once boundaries are set, you’re free to begin! If you’ve always considered role play, why not try pretending you are someone else, experimenting with phone sex whilst taking on another persona? If you’re new to mutual masturbation, why not dabble in a little dirty talk to test the waters? If you’ve always wanted to play strip poker, now is the perfect chance! 


If you’re not sure where to start, I recommend asking your partner what they like, describing what you’d like to do to them complimenting your partner, describing what you like, and only saying things you’re comfortable with – the pleasure will flow from there. When exploring one another’s fantasies, agree to have fun and let yourself go. You’ll be glad you did!


Experiment with audio erotica

Since quarantine began, many people have experienced fluctuating sex drives, and it’s important to remember this is both normal and okay. But for those wanting to pick up the pace, audio erotica is an excellent tool to use, both alone and with a partner, to help regain libido, stimulate the mind and reconnect with your own sexuality. 


One of audio erotica’s primary functions is to appeal to the body’s most important, and often neglected, sex organ: the brain. Research has actually shown that listening to erotica can be one of the most successful practices women can utilise to achieve sexual satisfaction.

Whilst most forms of pornography focus on visual elements of sexual encounters, and may not be everyone’s taste, audio erotica is brought to life by the power of imagination. Listening to audio erotica can spice up couples’ sex lives, but it also helps to develop fantasies. Fantasy is one of the biggest stimulators, especially when the stories have been vividly crafted because it allows us to be part of the story, not just an observer. Audio erotica is great for couples because, when listening, each individual can engage with their own fantasies, preferences and turn-ons, while still connecting over the same storyline or narrative. Equally, audio erotica is a great tool for mutual play: listening to it can help each individual focus on their partner’s body and pleasure, while further stimulating their mind as they act out the story that is being told.

If you’re unsure about how exactly to bring audio erotica into the bedroom, here are some tips to help you get started:


  • Find the audio erotica for you: Find a story that appeals to both of your desires and fantasies. Whether the story engages with sensory experiences, threesomes, or public encounters, find something that makes you both excited, but that fits within the boundaries that you’ve discussed and decided upon.


  • You can take turns to surprise each other: Once you have discussed your likes and wants, you can start playing by surprising the other with sessions that you’ve found to enjoy together. If for some reason the erotic story is not to your taste, it’s okay to say so. The more you communicate about your desires and what gets you off, the more you’ll enjoy discovering audio erotica as a couple.

    • To touch, or not to touch?: Decide in advance how you want the session to go. You may want to lie together and listen to the story, with a no-hands policy in place. Equally, you might be curious about experimenting with mutual masturbation. My best advice is to let the story build heat and tension between you and your partner, and to enjoy that feeling – the mind is so powerful! Discovering something new in the bedroom is exciting, but it can also be daunting, so respect the boundaries that you set before your first session together.
    • On Tuesdays, we listen to erotica: Just as you might with movie night, make time for intimacy, exploration and play by agreeing that you’ll listen to audio erotica together every week at that time, even if your schedules are hectic. Use this as a special time to engage with one another’s pleasure and shut out the outside world – you deserve it. 

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