The Tinder Swindler opened up our eyes to financial abuse. We always talk about physical and emotional abuse but never about partners that can manipulate us into giving away more than we should. After the Tinder Swindler was released there were differing opinions on it. What struck my attention were the ones saying they would never be caught in the situation the three women found themselves in. But is that true to reality? How do you know that your partner is giving you the short end of the stick? What are the signs to look for?
Common signs of insincerity
Every relationship is different. As such, from point to point, there might be variations in the ability of each partner to contribute. That’s completely fine.
The problem comes in when one partner is continuously giving. Here are some signs that your partner might be shifty.
What does insincerity look like?
Insincerity is a dangerous thing. It’s not just about lying to you from time to time. An insincere partner actively pretends they feel something when in reality their emotions are fake and manufactured for whatever reason convenient at the time. Think back to the Tinder Swindler and how he would send the same lovey-dovey text messages and Whatsapp voice notes to all three women. Insincerity is a strong form of deception.
We all want to cut people out of our lives completely at one point or another, but that isn’t always possible. That means being proactive and vigilant when it comes to identifying them so that you set boundaries.
Always trying to benefit
Insincere partners are always seeking to benefit from you. They like to be associated with people who hold power or wealth. Instead of creating meaningful relationships, they look at what they can gain. When you need them to be there for you, they won’t be there.
Wanting to be the star of the show
Insincere partners won’t seem like a villain. Most of the time, they just want to be the center of attention. This has more to do with themselves and feeding their own ego. You’ll also notice that it’s an attempt at staying in control and being the ‘star’ of a group.
Over-reacting when exposed
We all know (or have heard) of people that aren’t easy to confront. Just a little jab and they have an outburst. This could be in the form of screaming, maybe yelling – all sorts of being enraged. Insincere partners tend to be manipulators. As such, they CAN NOT let their true nature be exposed. Whenever things go out of their control, they lose their cool quickly.
Changing up the details in stories
Insincerity in a partner can seem like being told the same story but in different variations of it. Their opinions on things may also change because they are always trying to ‘seem a certain way to different people at different points.’ You’ll also find that they are quick to change their opinions and will do anything to ‘be on trend’ or try new things. Lying about how they feel just so people like them better is also a trait with insincere partners.
The lack of support when you need them is usually consistent with insincere lovers. They’ll only pop back into your life when they feel that there is something to gain. Think of them as seasonal partners that you wouldn’t put on your emergency numbers list. Not to forget that they never show up to anything early (eye-roll).
Inconsistent body language
This one is critical to notice on dates or when you get to spend time with them in person. According to Dr. Mehrabian in the 1960s, “93 percent of communication is ‘nonverbal’ in nature.” What this means is that your partner may tell you that they are being honest with you but their body language says otherwise. They may be fidgeting a lot, avoiding eye contact, or completely deflecting from the conversation. Experts say this is a sure sign that your partner isn’t being sincere with you.
What can you do?
You can’t allow the above behaviors to crumble your happiness forever. You have to start taking steps towards protecting yourself and that begins with accepting who they are, and what impact they’ve had on your so life so far – both good or bad!
Once this is done then figure out ways for building up walls around your partner. Set some ground rules. You DO NOT DESERVE to be anything other than happy.
- Acceptance of who they are
- Setting boundaries and not changing your mind about it
- Choose yourself first
- If you must, move on and don’t look back