Recipe by Bella Younger
Valentine’s Day 2019: A day for digging out some greying suspenders and eating in overpriced restaurants. A day to walk smugly through the streets with a naff bouquet and a teddy bear that’s destined for landfill. A day for those who are lucky in love to lord their good fortune over singletons everywhere.
Valentine’s Day 2021: Love is dead. It’s a day for wearing the same stained tracksuit you’ve been wearing for almost a year. Another day of enduring the sound of your partner loudly chewing. Another day of hearing them bellow on conference calls through your paper-thin walls.
How are you going to make it feel romantic? What can you do to spice up your life in lockdown?
My suggestion is, go big or go home. One thing you probably haven’t been doing a lot of in lockdown is shagging, and what is St Valentine, if not the patron saint of lust. You might be bored to tears of the sight of each other. But if this isn’t an excuse to make an effort and get some good content for the ‘gram, what is? Get yourselves on ocado.com and get the aphrodisiacs in. I’m talking, oyster, chocolate, strawberries, toad in the hole. Anything that screams SEX.
Skip the prosecco – it gives you bad breath. Go straight into the tequila slammers and shag each other to death. Here’s a recipe for the aforementioned toad.
- sunflower oil
- 8 sausages
- 4 sprigs of rosemary
- 2 large red onions
- 2 cloves of garlic
- 2 knobs of unsalted butter
- 6 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
- 1 vegetable stock cube
- 285 ml milk
- 115 g plain flour
- 3 large eggs
- Whisk the batter ingredients together with a pinch of sea salt, and put to one side.
- Pre-heat two tablespoons of sunflower oil in a thin baking tin in an oven on full heat.
- Add the sausages to the hot oil – cooking until golden
- Take the tin out of the oven, being very careful, and pour the batter over the sausages.
- Throw a couple of sprigs of rosemary into the batter.
- Cook for 20 minutes without opening the oven door.
- Peel and finely slice the onions and garlic, then fry in the butter until translucent.
- Add the vinegar and a stock cube with a little water.
Voila! A phallic feast.